Sooooooooo….a lot of shit has happened
I wasn’t writing because of all this stuff. nope. i wasn’t writing because I’m lazy and lack discipline. I’m an avid journal writer so writing a blog is kinda weird because i have to adjust to formal writing, it has to make sense and I have to freakin edit. That blows for this here free spirit. But I’ve decided to come back to it and to refocus on this here blogy blog because I miss it and I miss sharing.
So here goes
Since shit has been happening of course shit has also hit the fan. After the shit stopped spinning my best friend was there helping me clean up the poop and stopped mid sweep and said “shana you live a double life”
Daaaaaaaamn Gina!!! (in my Martin voice)
She said I live this totally connected powerful spiritual life along side this immature adolescent dumbed down existence. She is right. totally. Just so happened that I was exhausted from cleaning up the poop of my life and had recognized this truth a few days before. Her comment was a verbal confirmation that my prayers to move forward and let my dumbed down existence die …and i mean a quick painless death…had been heard.
I mourned…for about 30 min
Then decided to be wonderfully curious about the real me! As i had stated in previous posts I’ve lived a lot of my life afraid of the powerful Spiritual me. I deny and mute my intuition. I muzzle my Spiritual voice. As a result my life goes array and shit hits the fan and my friends gather round, roll up their sleeves and put me back together again. Love those guys. Don’t get me wrong my friends aren’t enablers. They are kick ass truth tellers but they aren’t judgmental. They love me and walk with me on this journey. Because of their love I stand tall and try and try again.
Ok off the friend soapbox and back to the story
I’ve decided to be curious about me and learn more about unleashing all the Spiritual gifts that I was born with. I’ve decided to discover my own magic again. I love to travel, I love to dance, I love to meditate and do yoga. I love to hike. I love to read. I love to talk to people intimately about their lives and their passions. I love to do Spiritual work. I love to connect with my ancestors. I love brown people (african, indian, thai, fijian…i love ’em all), i love learning stuff, i love being in love, i love my family, i love to think and i love to touch…everything! {literally i love to touch everything}
With all the years I’ve been hiding and being afraid I would only experience my loves in small isolated cubical like spans. Letting go and discovering lets all my loves rush in. It sounds crazy because it would seem like more shit would hit the fan. But I don’t think thats going to happen. I have a strong feeling that following my truth and Spirit is going to lead me on a bazaar ride of ecstasy. yes y’all ecstasy!!! Because I don’t have to fit anything into a box or a square or force what is grand into a small hole at an appropriate time…that shit has been stressful. I can now follow the flow. I can follow and be scared but have trust that if I fall…my wings will appear.
SheisBornFree 