I’m breathing a little better now ya’ll. Freedom is close at hand. Its feeling like my life is taking direction after a 5 month freak out, then depression, then freak out again. I’ve learned to put down pancakes and tell the truth. I’ve learned that its ok to be a psychic. I learned to take monthly vacations. I’ve learned to let go and today I learned from my 13 year old son that I don’t have a husband because “people don’t like to do what you do.”
I was fuckin elated when I heard him say this!
A few weeks ago I was talking to my friend about relationships while my son was present. We were talking about the men who have come and gone in our lives. My son rudely interrupted our hen clucking with “…And she still can’t settle down.” This comment had been ruminating in my mind off and on for weeks so I decided to ask him what he was thinking when he made the proclamation. He said, “Mom you can’t settle down because people don’t like to do what you do. 90% of Americans don’t do what they say they want to do. You travel and move to new places and you do stuff. If you add another person to the picture they may not want to do all that.” I agreed.
I’m different and I’m learning how to celebrate my freedom. I’m learning to speak my native language.
I’m quickly speaking Harriet Tubman proudly. A term my best friend coined. She says I no longer need to speak bondage, slavery, boundaries. I haven’t always spoken Harriet T or Marcus Garvey. I’ve always had a problem speaking this language because I know its so foreign to many. I didn’t wanna be an alien on my own planet. Its lonely. But finally I’m realizing that Harriet may have been lonely and speaking a foreign tongue but many followed her and when shit got tough she put a rifle to their backs and said “freedom or death?” CAN YOU FREAKIN IMAGINE THAT?
No matter the circumstances…I am walking, crawling, skipping, hula hooping toward freedom. Fuck 90% of America…there is a tiny 10% tribe that I belong to. I will be loading my rifle and walking every night till I get to them.